Age

46

Appearance

Brown-eyed, ageing preppy

Manner

Detached, ethereal

Nationality

American

Occupation

Film-director

Reputation

A leading cult film-maker for the past decade

Anything I might have seen?

My Own Private Idaho

Wasn't that about two black lesbians in Atlanta, or something?

Nope, it was about two young, gay, white hustlers in Portland

Ah. But he did make Coffee Shop Cowgirls, right?

You're thinking of Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, or more likely, Drugstore Cowboy

Right, right. But he often makes movies about troubled young men, as in Good Will Hunting?

Wow. One title you got right

And his new picture is the same sort of thing?

Yes and no

Elucidate

Well, there is another weird young guy. But he's called Norman Bates...

As in Psycho?

Yup. It's a remake of Hitchcock's classic. Opens here on Friday

But haven't we already had Son Of The Son Of The Son Of Psycho?

Not quite. Anthony Perkins, the original Norman Bates, did star in three sequels. But this is different; it's...

A remake!

You got it. A shot-for-shot recreation of the 1960 original

Why did he do it?

Well, he was a kinky guy who gets off looking at naked women

No, no. I mean Van Sant

Maybe he wanted to get Bates to say his most famous line one more time

Which is?

'A boy's best friend is his mother'

And Van Sant's best friend is?

Dunno. But he's gay, gritty, witty and erudite, and close to his folks. He was born in the South, but has lived on the East and West coasts

At college, he majored in?

Painting to begin with, then switched to film, so he could make more money

Not afraid to take risks?

Certainly not. He's also written a novel

What's that about?

It's partly auto-biographical. How long have we got?

Not long. This Pass Notes is almost over

Never mind; wait till he turns it into a movie