A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a space opera trilogy named Star Wars. It was, ostensibly, for children, yet many adults found themselves entranced. Despite the zillions of action figures sold, and a slightly iffy final instalment, it rarely felt exploitative. The films combined science fiction and fantasy elements to offer a level of spectacle and epic adventure that did not seem to exist elsewhere in cinema, and quite simply sold themselves. Word of mouth, not hype, made George Lucas's Star Wars the box office behemoth that changed the face of Hollywood blockbuster film-making in 1977, and neither the industry nor the "franchise" ever looked back.
Flash forward to 2012 and things have changed a little. Lucas has already caused misery for millions by re-editing preposterously incongruous CGI sequences into the original films, and foisted a staggeringly disappointing prequel series upon us. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, here comes 1999's The Phantom Menace sneaking back into cinemas in 3D next week, an experience which Simon Pegg recently predicted might be like "the car actually crashing into your face as opposed to just unfolding before your eyes".
It doesn't stop there. LucasFilm are now promoting the rerelease with what it describes as a "kids featurette" (for which read: patronising trailer for those under the age of 10). If any sign were needed of the extent to which Lucas et al have come to resemble an eternally cash-hungry giant sarlacc in a barren desert of creativity, it is here. Hosted in the style of a McDonald's Happy Meal advert by an exuberant voiceover man who sounds like a harried parent trying to persuade a recalcitrant sprog to eat their dinner, it appears to have emanated from somewhere in the seventh layer of Hades,. "Hey wait, a double-bladed light saber! That's not fair!" chuckles Mr Cheerful as the action unfolds on screen, followed swiftly by: "Chill out R2 - I was just getting to you and C-3PO!" It's enough to make one chew one's own kidneys.
Given that most of the target audience won't have been old enough to have seen The Phantom Menace during its first run at the cinema, it seems slightly bizarre that the trailer takes such a familiar tone as regards characters such as Qui-Gon Jinn and the ever-abominable Jar Jar Binks. (Perhaps the assumption is that Star Wars-loving parents will have bought their offspring the DVDs by now.) Disappointingly, there is little sign that Lucas has taken the opportunity to re-edit it with anything like the gusto with which he ripped the original trilogy to shreds.
Could he not have employed Mike J Nichols, creator of the unofficial "fan edit" of Phantom Menace, The Phantom Edit, to inject a new lease of life into the movie? Nichols excised all the Jar Jar Binks scenes, a great deal of Anakin's irritating whoops and yells, and much of the sillier exposition, creating a trim 115 minute film that received widespread praise. Yoda knows what Nichols would have made of LucasFilm's latest trailer: one imagines there might not have been much left of it.
