Look, I'm as ready as the next man to be entertained by the sight of a dog standing on its hind legs doing pirouettes, or a pig dressed as a chicken attempting to lay an egg and accidentally taking a dump. But nothing can explain (or excuse) the sheer skull-scraping ugliness of this relentlessly tacky Britain's Got Talent spin-off. The story nominally follows a dysfunctional family's move to the country with a sausage-hungry dog (abysmally voiced by David Walliams) in tow, and a lairy lord of the manor (John Sessions, channelling Uncle Monty) in waiting.

Morris dancing, teet-pulling and mud-splashing ensue to thoroughly depressing effect. If you paid to see this, you would feel duty-bound to demand your money back; I saw it for free and still wanted a refund. A few years ago, scientists tried to ascertain definitively whether or not dogs were capable of watching and understanding moving images on a screen. This raises the more vexing question of whether they can be ashamed of them. Poor Pudsey.