If you’re in Bournemouth, go and see The Horrors at the O2 Academy.

If you’re in Brighton, you could try to work out what Alt-J’s lyrics are all about at the Brighton Centre.

If you’re in Leicester, there’s the opportunity to get gently psychedelic with Syd Arthur at The Cookie.

If you’re in Birmingham, make your own mind up about “Ms” Lauryn Hill’s noisy reinterpretations of her back catalogue at the O2 Academy.

If you’re in London, you could try waiting outside the Hammersmith Apollo to see if any Kate Bush ticket-holders have come down with flu.

The Riot Club, 20,000 Days On Earth and Grand Piano are still on at the cinema. Alternatively, stay home and watch the Driver, which has already split the Guide’s critics: Julia Raeside says “If you aren’t sitting forward, gripping your seat with white knuckles after the opening four minutes, you’re most likely not human.” Whereas Filipa Jodelka reckons it’s too middle-aged and David Morrissey’s character’s got “a face like a haemorrhoid”. Decide for yourself at 9pm.

That’s it from me, thanks for reading. Lanre and Gwilym will be here tomorrow with more of the same. I’ll leave you with Elliphant and Mø’s ode to matching trackies, One More.

Leonard Cohen isn’t the only dapper crooner coming back with new material this week. Here’s the first track from Bryan Ferry’s new album Avonmore, which harks back nicely to early-80s Roxy. The lyrics are a bit slapdash, though. “We’re on an up-and-down see-saw” – what other kind is there Bryan?

Always good to hear something new from Four Tet, even if this remix of John Beltran’s Faux doesn’t quite scale the heights of his Percussions 12”s from earlier this year.

I don’t know much about Animal Language except that they’re from Brighton and judging by this number, they make strident yet faintly queasy indie-pop like a cross between Deerhunter and Suede (or, perhaps more accurately The Longpigs, if that’s not a massive cuss).

Today’s ‘film trailer that could easily be a joke if it weren’t so expensive’ comes courtesy of Matthew Vaughn’s ludicrous Kingsman: The Secret Service. Vaughn may have directed Kick Ass and X-Men First Class but he rose to prominence as producer of mockney capers Lock, Stock and Snatch; this film looks like it’s attempting to meld the two milieux with risible results.

Basically, Colin Firth does his standard starchy Brit thing as a spy who turns a poorly-drawn Lee Nelson caricature into a crack, gun-toting secret agent in order to take down Samuel L Jackson’s fey, sports-casual supervillain. Jane Goldman is on writing duties, but there’s certainly no sign of Kick Ass sparkle in this trailer. Michael Caine turns up because it’s the law, and the predictably awful theme song comes courtesy of Ellie Goulding and Iggy Azalea.

I’ve been enjoying E4’s new yoof whodunit Glue, despite the Herculean suspension of disbelief required to accept that a qualified vet might be chumming around in a grain silo with a 14-year-old teenage tearaway whose subsequent murder is being investigated by a rookie policewoman who not only used to hang around with the deceased and all of his friends but also has a daughter by the father of one of the chief suspects. Or that said suspect could hotwire a car from outside her local pub and torch it in a nearby field without getting the slightest bit of heat from the hapless coppers. Or that, while all this is going on, another suspect could organise a mini-festival in the woods at the drop of a hat for his mate’s 18th.

But the thing that’s really struck me about Glue so far is how eerily similar the premise is to one of the best TV dramas of last year, Top Of The Lake. Think about it:

1. Bleakly beautiful rural setting

2. Disappearance/murder of wayward teenager from tight-knit community who distrust the police

3. Young, emotionally vulnerable policewoman who grew up among the people she’s investigating

4. Copious recreational drug use

And once you start noticing the connections, they’re everywhere. For instance, was that Looking For Eric’s Steve Evets out walking his dogs near the end of last night’s episode? Well, didn’t Top Of The Lake also feature an actor who played the lead role in a Ken Loach film (Peter Mullan, My Name Is Joe)??? SPOOKY!!!

Waze & Odyssey’s cheeky house bootleg of R Kelly’s Bump & Grind is all over my radio dial at the moment in advance of its official release next month. And now the remix has been remixed by Special Request (AKA Paul Woolford) who never turns in a dud. Come with the music:

From the channel that brought you Sharknado and, um, Sharknado 2: The Second One comes news of another unlikely plague on Los Angeles: lava-breathing tarantulas! Yes, for their latest low-concept TV movie, SyFy have once again combined a deadly member of the animal kingdom with a natural disaster and come up with Lavalantula.

In a move sure to please its irony-loving audience, Lavalantula – currently labouring under the logic-defying tagline “Fire Burns… Lava Bites” – will star three former police Academy favourites: Leslie Easterbrook, Michael Winslow and, of course, Steve Guttenberg. It will be terrible. But that’s the whole point.

Where will Syfy go next? Piranhami? Crocquake? Cobralanche? Best ideas win Jean-Claude Van Damme’s raised eyebrow.

Rapping prodigy Kendrick Lamar just uploaded his new single i (yes, the title is just a lower case ‘i’, causing all manner of vexation for the world’s subeditors). It’s basically Kanye’s Touch The Sky with Curtis Mayfield replaced by the Isley Brothers, and as such it represents a bit of a let-down for anyone hoping for more of that righteous Control anger.

The best bit is probably the weird bass and car horn solo at the end, which doesn’t say much for the rest of the track. Let us know what you think in the comments.

Speech Debelle-sized controversy at last night’s Polaris Prize Awards (the Canadian equivalent of the Mercurys) where all the artists you’ve heard of – Drake, Arcade Fire, Owen Pallett, Mac DeMarco, Jessy Lanza – were snubbed in favour of Inuit throat singer Tanya Tagaq. Have a listen to a couple of tunes from winning album Animism – including a geographically reclaimed cover of Pixies’ Caribou – and see if you think the judges made the right call.

Well, it’s preferable to Reflektor, at least. And Tagaq proved herself to be an even more controversial winner by telling anti cub-clubbing campaigners PETA to go hang in her acceptance speech, because those cute little seals are actually really tasty.

On a quick side note, people should wear and eat seal as much as possible, because if you imagine an indigenous culture thriving and surviving on a sustainable resource, wearing seal and eating it... It’s delicious and there’s lots of them and fuck PETA.

Which is a bit like if James Blake came out in support of the badger cull. Imagine the scenes.

She’s written and starred in a culturally colossal TV comedy, penned a best-selling memoir and been hoisted as the “voice of a generation” by just about everybody. So what next for Lena Dunham? Well, rather marvellously, she’s producing a low-key documentary for HBO about a Brooklyn tailoring firm who specialise in making suits for the LGBTQ community (including, apparently, cast members of Orange Is The New Black).

According to Variety, “the film will follow several of Bindle & Keep’s transgender clients as they go through the process of having custom suits made, examining the significance of the process for a set of customers with complex gender identities.”

Sounds interesting. No news on when and where Three Suits will air in the UK but expect to see it on Sky Atlantic next year.

In news that should surprise no one given that it was widely reported back in August, Rita Ora has today been officially unveiled as Kylie’s replacement on The Voice, which returns in January. It remains to be seen whether Rita can radiate the same natural warmth as Kylie, or if she’ll just jabber and gurn incessantly like Jessie J.

However, Rita should be able to empathise with the show’s contestants, having successfully negotiated a TV audition process herself for Eurovision: Your Country Needs You in 2009 (though ultimately she chose not to torpedo her nascent career with a nul points fiasco and association with Andrew Lloyd Webber).

Last week, Leo DiCaprio went out clubbing in West Hollywood with Jamie Foxx. Like every man in his late 30s, after a few beers, Leo thinks he’s Busta Rhymes. So here he is jumping on the mic for a run through A Tribe Called Quest’s mob-handed party track Scenario. His face is obscured by a flat cap, but it must be him because TMZ said so. You can watch a longer version of the clip at their site here.

And now let’s hear that song as it should be sung.

Morning all. Let’s crank this thing into gear with some American bands covering tracks by British songwriters on US TV last night. Beck tackled George Harrison’s Wah-Wah while The Black Keys had a crack at Edwyn Collins’ A Girl Like You. Respectable efforts both.