It was always going to happen. Tetris is one of the most successful video games ever made – of course the movie industry was eventually going to buy up the rights and turn it into a film. Why let the fact that it is an abstract puzzler about falling shapes get in the way?
After all, did mere logic stop Hollywood from making an action flick about the pencil and paper strategy game, Battleships? Did good sense prevent eighties movie execs from greenlighting a live action version of Super Mario Bros? Starring Bob Hoskins? And Dennis Hopper? As an interdimensional dinosaur? For heaven’s sake, no!
But if Tetris is fair game for the big screen treatment, what seemingly unfilmable interactive entertainment mega-brand may be next? Perhaps one of these...
Pong
Pitch: Star Wars meets Wimbledon!
Tagline: whoever misses the ball, misses their destiny
Set-up: Warring factions must end a bitter space conflict by competing in Pong, a deadly blood sport in which a square of photon energy is deflected between rival battle cruisers. It’s not just a high score at stake, it’s the future of the galaxy. Has Michael Bay written all over it.
Flappy Bird
Pitch: Tron meets Kes!
Tagline: Spread your wings and fly... to freedom
Set-up: In this terrifying animated adventure, a young kestrel must navigate a seemingly impassible tunnel of death to escape a nightmarish avian distopia. John Lasseter to direct.
The Sims
Pitch: Modern Family meets Saw!
Tagline: The perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect nightmare
Set-up: A family moves into a weirdly perfect suburban home, but a mysterious force soon tries to drown them in the swimming pool, blow up their kitchen and remove all the doors so that they’re trapped in the living room with no toilet.
Temple Run
Pitch: Indiana Jones meets Inception!
Tagline: He’s on the adventure of his life – forever!
Set-up: Having stolen an ancient treasure, an adventurer is pursued by devil monkeys – until his inescapable demise. Christopher Nolan directs this exciting yet ultimately futile meditation on the inevitability of death.
Candy Crush Saga
Pitch: Wizard of Oz meets the Werther’s Originals adverts!
Tagline: Save the world, ruin your teeth
Set-up: The Candy Kingdom is in peril and only sweetie-scoffing hero Tiffi can save it. At key points in her adventure, she’ll run out of turns, necessitating the cinema audience to pay extra for power-ups, or wait until the following day to try and watch the movie again.
Any better suggestions? Please do add them in the comments section...
